A Different Kind
by AllArtAnimeLover
Summary: I learned then that I was asexual. It also made me realize that putting people in boxes and labelling them by their sexual orientation was just as stupid as splitting them because of their colour... Full explanation inside, as well as warnings. Rated T for sensitive subjects. (It's really just another drabble)


**A/N – a heads up; this story is universes different from my other stories. I have one unpublished story that kind of resembles this one, but I wrote it years before this one and it shows in the content (and writing style, but that's a different point all together). This story is more psychological and there is no real plot. It's merely here because I wanted to write off my own experiences.**

 **If you have any questions, please read the second author note first. If there is any confusion left, please notify me and I'll explain.**

 **Warnings: Sexuality discussion**

 **Disclaimer: The character doesn't belong to me, but the story is entirely mine.**

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I've always felt different. Maybe it was my environment, which caused me to grow up quicker than a child should have.

My father was a strict man. Being a Hibari did that to you; it was tradition for the males in the family to be raised strictly and without love. It was all to ensure a strong bloodline. Nowadays that doesn't really mean much anymore; it's not the family but the individual who shows what it means to be strong. My father used to work in the force, as one of the higher ups. When I was only six, two years after my strict training regime started, my father passed away. Killed in the line of duty. Mother was never the same anymore.

My mother used to be a bright existence. It was hard to understand what made my parents fall in love. But when father died, her light disappeared as well. She didn't become abusive, mentally or physically. She didn't become an alcoholic or workaholic. She just became air. She didn't speak anymore and rarely did she show her face. We lived in the same house but I hadn't spoken to her in years. The only signs she was still there being the food that kept disappearing every now and then and the bills that got paid with money that still came in every two months.

I stopped bothering myself over it years ago. I only focused on getting stronger. Nothing else mattered. Within days I had completely taken over my middle school. A year after that there wasn't a citizen in Namimori who didn't know my name. I became infamous for half-killing everyone who came within a meter of me. Simply for existing.

Being along was never a choice for me. I grew up in solitude and I never cared for it. Years of being alone made me see that there was more to the world I lived in then I first thought. I disliked humans and socialization. Some would even say that I was socially inapt and I wouldn't be able to correct them. I learned to accept my world as it was. I didn't need 'friends' to show me what it meant to have 'fun'.

I didn't need a family to teach me what 'love' was. I didn't need to know what 'love' meant. When I was much younger, people would often tell me: 'It will come when the time is right' or 'You'll find your partner eventually, don't worry!' It always made me feel a bit sick how people I didn't even know – including my homeroom teachers at school – seemed to have my entire life planned out for me.

When I entered middle school, people – students and teachers alike – avoided me like the plague and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. A small part inside my head always wondered what it felt like to have someone always chattering your ears off. Was it really as annoying as I thought it was? Or did it depend on the person after all?

Regardless of the reasoning, I never sought out companionship.

Whether one wanted to or not, sex and love became one of the most talked about topics at school. Often times during lunch break, when passing by a classroom, I'd hear stories no one should have to listen to. Yet it seemed as if their friends were always hang from their lips, rapidly listening to every word, as if the stories were something out of the Bible. It disgusted me and always made me want to either smash my own head against a wall or bash someone else's in.

Sex. The word itself sounded innocent enough if you didn't know what it meant. When I first realized what sex was – because no one had told me anything – I was merely thirteen and while that may not seem too young to know about the birds and the bees, it was a horrifying experience for me. It made me realize that 'sex' was something for other people, not for me. I couldn't imagine someone's hands on my body, exploring every part of me. I couldn't imagine opening myself up like that for anyone – male, female or otherwise.

I learned a few years after that that it meant I was asexual. It also made me realize that putting people in boxes and labelling them by their sexual orientation was just as stupid as splitting them because of their colour. We're biologically the exact same, we just look different. But it gave me a label I felt comfortable with. No one was going to need to force me to see the 'wonders' of sex and love. If anyone ever even dared to come closer.

I felt no need to tell anyone. Not that many would be interested, most people let me be after all. Only Tetsuya was told and he didn't seem very surprised. I guess other than scaring everyone off, I must have given off the aura of 'asexuality' as well. Maybe they just couldn't imagine me having sex with anyone, just like how I couldn't imagine anyone else having sex, despite knowing they were having it. Even catching students in the act made it hard for me to believe people I knew – vaguely – had something like a sex life. It was hard to comprehend, so I didn't think about it all that much.

Life went by like that until Mafia appeared in the form of a pathetic little brat. And his carnivorous tutor. Life became wild after that and despite gaining connections, I still lived in solitude. Even when gaining a new 'family', I still avoided socialization.

They did make me see the things a 'family' did for each other. Things I missed, because my family was broken before I was old enough to even realize it. As much as I hated to respond to their calls, something inside of me yearned for attention. It was like a starved child who was presented a delicious, full-course meal for the first time in their lives. Once they had tasted the flavours, there was no going back to bland meals. It was exactly like that. While no one loved me, like a mother did their child, or a lover did their beloved, I was cared about and when I felt upset, someone always gave me a nudge. I never responded, but that was not necessary; they knew that me being silent was me appreciating them. I never was very vocal about my needs, wants or emotions.

Then time started to pass by and eventually I realized that even within my makeshift family I was an outsider. Eventually everyone around me found themselves a partner, whether romantically, sexually or emotionally. No one was left out. No one but me. And for a long time it went unnoticed, but my family started to notice me being alone more often. And at that point, more than ever, me being alone bothered me. Not because I hated being alone. Because my family hated me being alone. I hated their pitying stares and while they accepted my asexuality, they would never understand it. Never fully understand me.

Aromantic. It's a term I didn't think I was going to use; a term I didn't even know existed. Until I searched for it. The term was just another label people liked to put on themselves and I felt more boxed up than ever. Just like when I told my family about my sexual orientation, they accepted that me not being interested in having any kind of relationship apart from vague friends and close family was just another part of me. While I really appreciated that about them, it also made me realize that I was never going to have a family of my own. While that thought did make me stop in my tracks, it didn't make me sad. I felt it was for the best; maybe I was just not meant to have a family of my own.

When people asked me what I saw myself as ten, twenty years into the future, I nearly always came with the same reply. Regardless of the occupation, I always pictured myself alone. Until I met my family, I couldn't even imagine myself living with strangers walking across the street; let alone an entire family. While I could see myself with family now, it's not my own. It nowadays doesn't bother me as much as it used to do. I accepted the labels I put on myself and I left it at that. I always functioned better when left on my own after all. It's just a pity no one understands or accepts that.

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 **A/N – a bit of a more serious story. It's based on myself and while I was lucky enough to have friends who accept me (as far as I've told them) and a best friend who understands me. My parents, I noticed, had some difficulty understanding my sexual orientation. Mainly my mother. My little sis came out as bisexual two years ago or so and I figured 'now is the time to tell my parents I'm not sexually attracted to anyone'. I could see my mom was confused. And I don't just mean that she didn't understand asexuality. I mean that she didn't understand _me._ She didn't understand why I choose to be asexual. As if you can choose your sexuality. The only thing I knew at the time was that I just never wanted to have sex. Ever. That still hasn't changed and I've matured since then. I have grown to understand myself more. Luckily my best friend is asexual as well, so she understands me better than my parents can. (My little sis, btw, came out as pansexual some months ago. She said that she felt attracted to people as they _are_ rather than their _genders_. I love her to death)**

 **While I know this is a freakin long note, I just wanted to let you know the reason behind me writing this. It's not so much the fact that I think canon-Kyouya is both asexual and aromantic, it's more the fact that I can see it like that. Just so you know; I figured out I'm aromantic as well. I asked my little sister (who, for your information, knows so much more about human relations it's enough to embarrass the best specialists out there) what it means if your _asexual_ but still like men, or women. You're not gay, or bi, or pan, because that refers to your _sexuality_. You're _homosexual,_ or _bisexual_ , (or other) but how do you know if you prefer men, women or anything else when you're asexual. It felt a bit confusing (as I'm sure you're feeling right now) but thankfully my sister understood what I was trying to explain. She told me that one can be asexual but still want to be with someone romantically.**

 **Thank you for reading this little story of mine. If there are any questions, feel free to ask me. Either personal, if there is something bothering you, or you just want to tell your own story – feel free to PM me. I can't guarantee great advice, but I'll do my best. I hope you have a nice day, wherever you are~**


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